Vous à Tu: How to move from vous to tu

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How do you move from vous to tu? 

Short answer: you don’t “earn” tu like a badge; you negotiate it politely. And yes, it’s perfectly normal to stay on vous with neighbors for years (even decades!) and still be on warm, friendly terms.

The quick rule of thumb

  • Default to vous. It’s the social seatbelt.

  • Offer tu only when there’s rapport (shared activity, same age-ish, same club/class, you’ve chatted a few times).

  • Older people usually lead. If you’re younger, let them suggest it—or ask very gently.

  • First names ≠ tu. You can be “Marie” + vous forever.

  • Service relationships stay vous. Concierge/syndic, your doctor, your favorite boulangère—even if you chat about the weather daily.

How to propose the switch (natural scripts)

Pick one friendly moment (after class, at the café, not mid-syndic meeting), smile, and keep it simple:

  • Neutral & classic:
    “On peut se tutoyer ?”
    (Can we use tu with each other?)

  • Extra polite (to someone older / you’re unsure):
    “Si ça ne vous dérange pas, on peut se tutoyer ?”
    (If you don’t mind, may we switch to tu?)

  • Give a reason (works great in clubs/associations):
    “Comme on se voit chaque semaine au cours, on peut se tutoyer ?”
    (Since we see each other every week in class, can we use tu?)

  • Let them choose:
    “Comme vous préférez : on peut se tutoyer, sinon on garde le vous.”
    (As you prefer: we can use tu, otherwise we’ll keep vous.)

If they say yes:
“Super, merci !” / “Avec plaisir !”

If they’d rather not:
You’ll hear something like “Je préfère qu’on se vouvoie.”
No drama—just reply: “Bien sûr !” and happily continue in vous. (Refusing tu isn’t a rejection; it’s comfort/style.)

When to expect tu vs vous (Aix-flavored)

  • Language classes, dance, sports clubs, associations: Tu arrives fast, often Day 1. Still, ask once to be safe.

  • Casual meetups (Café des Artistes / conversation groups): Tu is common among participants; you might keep vous with the host/organizer.

  • Neighbors: Mixed. Same age and frequent chats = maybe tu; otherwise many Aixois(e)s stay vous forever—kindly!

  • Shops & services: Stick to vous, even with first names and big smiles.

  • Kids/teens: You can use tu to them; they’ll usually vous you back.

Reading the signals

  • They use tu to you: It’s usually an invitation to reciprocate—but when in doubt, confirm with “On se tutoie ?”

  • They do la bise: In Provence that doesn’t automatically flip to tu. Ask anyway.

  • Group chat/WhatsApp: People often default to tu. If you want to formalize, drop a quick “On se tutoie ?” in a side DM.

Gentle “downgrade” options (keep it comfy)

  • You tried tu and it feels off? You can pivot without drama:
    “Je me permets de revenir au vous, si vous préférez.”

Mini cheat-sheet to keep handy

  • Propose: On peut se tutoyer ?

  • Softer: Si ça ne vous dérange pas…

  • Accept: Avec plaisir !

  • Prefer vous: Je préfère qu’on se vouvoie.

  • No problem: Bien sûr !

Bottom line

Moving from vous → tu is less about time and more about mutual comfort + context. Ask once, kindly. If it’s a no, smile and keep vous—you’ll still be good neighbors. If it’s a yes, congrats: you’ve just unlocked the informal level, baguette not included. 😄

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