Ever heard a French friend dodge an invite with a grin and: “J’peux pas, j’ai piscine.” Literally “I can’t, I’ve got swimming,” it’s the playful cousin of the old English cliché “I have to wash my hair”—only vastly more charming and 100% more waterproof. In modern French, it’s a wink that says: I’m declining, gently, let’s stay friends. (English Language Learners Stack Exchange)
What it really means (and where it came from)
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Meaning today: a light, humorous pretext to refuse an invitation without drama. You’ll also hear “j’ai poney” (I have pony) or even “j’ai aquaponey.” Yes, that last one is a running joke. (HiNative)
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Pop-culture roots: many trace “Nan, j’peux pas, j’ai piscine” to the 1990s satirical TV show Les Guignols de l’info; the “piscine” bit then became meme-ified and replaceable (poney, tennis, etc.). (French Language Stack Exchange)
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English parallel: “I have to wash my hair” became a stock excuse in mid-20th-century English—so famous it’s a trope. The French version just wears a swim cap. (Reddit)
How to use it (without splashing your reputation)
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Super casual (friends, texts):
“Désolé·e, j’peux pas ce soir—j’ai piscine.” -
Polite casual (colleagues you tutoyer):
“Merci pour l’invite, mais je ne peux pas ce soir—j’ai piscine. On remet ça ?” -
Formal / with vous (don’t get too jokey):**
“Je suis désolé·e, je ne pourrai pas me joindre à vous ce soir. J’ai un empêchement.”
(Save “j’ai piscine” for people who get your humor.)
Micro-dialogue (Aix edition)
— On se fait un apéro à 19h au cours Mirabeau ?
— J’adorerais, mais j’peux pas, j’ai piscine. Demain, même heure ?
— Deal ! Et apporte le bonnet, on sait jamais. 😉
Tiny culture tip if you’re actually going to the pool
Municipal pools in France often have rules: slim swimwear (not boardshorts) and swim caps can be obligatory—it’s about hygiene and water treatment. Check the signage or the pool’s site before you show up in your California surf shorts. (Guide Piscine)
Level-by-level cheat sheet
A1 (starter)
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Phrase: “Je ne peux pas / J’peux pas, j’ai piscine.”
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Add a time word: “ce soir / demain / à 18h.”
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Swap “piscine” for a real reason if needed: “cours de français,” “rendez-vous.”
A2 (getting comfy)
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Polite soften: “C’est gentil, mais je ne peux pas.”
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Reschedule: “On peut remettre à demain ?”
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Useful chunks: “Je suis pris(e).” “Pas dispo.”
B1 (independent)
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Nuance: “Ça tombe mal, j’avais prévu autre chose.”
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Offer options: “Plutôt vendredi ?”
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Tone markers: “Désolé·e,” “merci quand même,” “une prochaine fois ?”
B2 (upper-intermediate)
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Register switch: tu → vous depending on the person.
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Softer decline: “Je préfère passer mon tour cette fois.”
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Cultural nuance: humor works after a real “merci” and a quick alternative.
Advanced (style chef)
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Irony without snark: “Tentant… mais ce soir, c’est entraînement olympique: j’ai piscine.”
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Formal elegance: “Je dois décliner, un contretemps m’empêche d’être des vôtres.”
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Meta-joke variants: “J’peux pas, j’ai poney / aquaponey / macramé synchronisé.” (use sparingly—and only with people who’ll laugh). (Reddit)
Bonus for your phrasebook
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“On remet ça ?” = Let’s do it again another time?
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“Je te/vous tiens au courant.” = I’ll keep you posted.
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“Promis.” = Promise. (Seal the friendly vibe!)
Your turn 🫶
What’s your funniest (or most polite) way to decline in French? Have you tried “j’peux pas, j’ai piscine” yet—and did it get a smile or a confused look? Drop your best lines (and level: A1–C2) in the comments so new Aixois(e)s can steal them later. Allez, plongez !